ferret on a lampshade productions

Emmii: And I got this kickasd bird puppet that squeaks when you push on its beak
**kickass
me: lol
nice
Emmii: brb, I’m gonna try to find it
me: k
lol
Sent at 7:57 PM on Friday
Emmii: Gah, I thought I knew where it was but apparently I don’t.
me: ha.
because I STOLE it
Emmii:
me: I snuck in your house and took it.
and I’m holding it hostage in my basement.
Emmii: GIVE BACK RONALD THIS INTSANT
me: Ronald?
He says his name is Logan.
Emmii: …
me: you want him back? You owe me…hm…George Harrison.
and Keith Moon.
oh, and Ringo.
Emmii: *sarcastically* I’ll see what I can do.
me: No sarcasm, bitch, I mean it. You owe me two dead men and an elderly man.
Emmii:
I can give you my two grandpas and uncle.
me: are they keith, george and ringo?
Emmii: …
No.
I eman, yes.
me: Then NOOOO DEAL.
Emmii: **mean
me: LIES.
YOU LIE
Emmii: Yes, I do.
me: That hurts. WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO MEEEE?
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOOOU?
Emmii: YOU TOOK RONALD/LOGAN, THAT’S WHAT.
me: BUT…BUT HE LIKES ME.
He says that I’m not as mean as you.
Emmii:
I only ran him under a band saw tow times…
**two
JUST TWO
me: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? He never did anything to you! He only tried to eat your family a few times as you slept!
Emmii: Because….
he stole mah cake.
me: Tsk tsk. Bad Logan/Ronald.
You can have him back.
Daddy says he’s being a nuisance.
Emmii: Yaaay!
Sorry, Lu, but you’ll have to have your Chaunakkah without him.
Now run along and light your candles.
me: He must arrive by carrier caterpillar, though.
Emmii: Sure.
me: The caterpillars are venomous.
and they chase squirrels from soho to brighton.
Emmii: …
me: bad habit, it is.
and sometimes they pass out.
and then the rescue cornflakes have to revive them.
Emmii: I admire thouse cornflakes; putting their lives on the line every day
me: As do I.
A moment of silence for our lost cornflakes.
*bows head and removes hat*
Emmii: *does same*
*except I’m not wearing a hat**
me: The duchess always wears a hat.
The duchess is quite a lovely woman.
Emmii: shh, love, you’re breaking the silence.
me: The moment of silence is over, darling. We must honor the duchess.
Emmii: I believe it’s spelled “dutchess”. But go on, please.
me: No, love, it’s duchess.
We must honor the duchess.
Emmii: Who is the duchess, anyhow?
me: The duchess of Kirkcaldy
always smiling and arriving late for tea.
Emmii: “Ah, yes indeed,” said Emmii, still pretending she knew what Lukie meant.
me: Tsk tsk, you do not know the duchess?
You must know the duchess, my dear.