ferret on a lampshade productions

This is a roleplay between Alice and Lukie…you seriously shouldn’t hurt your brain trying to figure it out. Just read it and appreciate that we shared it with you.

Jump to: Part 1  Part 2

Lukie: WHY HALLO
Alice: HALLO
FANCY SEEING YOU HERE
Lukie: I VERY MUCH LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO YOUR HAIR TODAY
Alice: THANK YOU
Lukie: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IN THAT PAST HOUR?
Alice: SITTING.
Lukie: INTERESTING
I HAVE BEEN AT THE RITE AID
Alice: THAT IS VERY NICE
THE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE VERY SKIPPY TODAY
Lukie: I HAVE NOTICED
THEY ARE FLOWERS.
Alice: THEY…THEY…THEY EAT BEVERAGES!
Lukie: MY GOD!
Alice: MY GOD!
THANK YOU, MR. ROBOTO
Lukie: DO YOU LIKE MY NEW GREEN HAT?
Alice: NO.
I MEAN YES.
Lukie: THEN YOU RE CRUEL
Alice: YES, YES I AM
OREO CAKESTERS
Lukie: THERE IS A COMPETITION BETWEEN TWO OPPOSING TEAMS TONIGHT? AM I CORRECT?
Alice: YES. YES YOU ARE.
THEY ARE FLOWERS.
THE YOUNG GIRL WEARS A PRETTY DRESS
Lukie: I AM ROOTING FOR THE BOSTON RED SOX. THEY ARE HATS ON A COLORFUL HORSE.
Alice: TRUE, TRUE.
I AM ROOTING FOR THE CHEESEBALLS.
Lukie: WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE TEA THIS AFTERNOON?
Alice: YES
THANK YOU, MR. ROBOTO
YOU CANNOT REGENERATE YOUR BUTTCRACK
Lukie: THAT IS TRUE.
Alice: IT IS RAINING ON THE OUTSIDE
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN OUTSIDE? I HAVE NOT.
Lukie: I HAVE NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE EITHER
Alice: OH WONDERFUL
Lukie: I LIVE IN THE LIVERPOOL PSYCH WARD
Alice: WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET ME IN THE LOBBY AND EAT BEVERAGES?
I LIVE THERE TOO.
IN ROOM 183.
Lukie: I APPRECIATE THE MOP-TOPPED LADS FROM MY HOMETOWN.
THEY SET THE TOES OF THE WORLD A-TAPPING.
Alice: TRUE./
Lukie: BUT THEY TURNED TO HIPPIES.
Alice: THAT PART IS VERY TRUE.
Lukie: I LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE
IT IS VERY YELLOW
Alice: THE PSYCHO NEXT DOOR WAS PRETENDING HE WAS RAMONING YESTERDAY
Lukie: THAT IS DISTURBING.
Alice: I WOULD LIKE A SUBMARINE
Lukie: YES
Alice: AND A JETSKI. NOT ANY PARTICULAR KIND.
Lukie: THAT SOUNDS PARTICULARLY DELIGHTFUL, ALSO.
Alice: BUT HILLARY FIXED THE LIBERTY BELL SCREEN, SO…
I SO DEARLY WISH MR. HUCKABEE HAD WON
Lukie: A PROTESTING TYPE CAME DOWN MY HALL TODAY. HE SAID PSYCHOS SHOULD NOT HAVE COMPUTERS.
Alice: THE VP WOULD HAVE BEEN THE GREATEST
I WONDER HOW MS. JANE DOWN THE HALL IS DOING
Lukie: OH, HOW I WISH THE DEMOCRAT IN THE NEXT ROOM OVER WOULD JOIN THE BARACK OBAMA MAN.
Alice: I GET OUT OF THIS PLACE IN 3 DAYS.
Lukie: OH, I WONDER HOW MISS GIGI IS FEELING.
Alice: OR MAYBE 3 YEARS
Lukie: OH, HOW I WISH I COULD JOIN YOU.
THEY MIGHT DEPORT ME TO AN AUSTRALIAN PSYCH WARD.
Alice: HAVE THE NURSES SUPPKIED YOU WITH A WEBCAM?
I MEANT SUPPLIED
Lukie: NO, I’M AFRAID THEY HAVE NOT
Alice: THAT IS TOO BAD
Lukie: YES, I FIND IT SO
Alice: WHAT ROOM NUMBER ARE YOU IN?
Lukie: I AM IN ROOM 7294
IN THE WEST HALL
Alice: I MET JESUS OF SUBURBIA THE OTHER DAY
Lukie: INTERESTING. I MET SAINT JIMMY.
Alice: HE WANTED TO KNOW THE PURPOSE OF EYEBROWS
Lukie: HE WAS VERY ATTRACTIVE. MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN THAT MR. ARMSTRONG.
Alice: I HAVE NOTICED THAT TOO.
I THINK JESUS OF SUBURBIA IS SAINT JIMMY
Lukie: HAVE YOU MET THE YOUNG MR. ARMSTRONG? HIS FATHER DIED WHEN HE WAS A WEE LAD
I THINK SO, TOO
Alice: YES I HAVE
HE WAS VERY…
PSYCHOTIC
Lukie: THERE WAS A LOT OF GRAFFITI IN THE BATHROOM. DO YOU THINK IT’S A HABIT OF HIS.
Alice: I THINK THEY PLACED HIM DOWN THE HALL IN ROOM 286
YES
Lukie: THEN HE IS VERY NEARBY ME.
Alice: REALLY?
Lukie: YES
RIGHT ABOVE ME ACTUALLY.
Alice: DO YOU HEAR SCREAMING OFTEN?
Lukie: NO, BUT I HEAR RANTING ABOUT HYPOCRITES.
Alice: ARE YOU IN A PADDED CELL ANYMORE?
Lukie: NO. I NEVER WAS.
Alice: OH.
NEITHER WAS I
BUT MY CAT WAS
Lukie: IF THE WARD STAFF DEPORT ME TO AUSTRALIA, THE WHO MAY COME TO GO ON TOUR IN THE WARD.
A VERY TALENTED BUNCH, THEY ARE.
Alice: I WISH TO BE DEPORTED TO AUSTRALIA ALSO
FOR THIS REASON
Lukie: I WONDER WHEN MR. JIMMY WILL GO FOR HIS WALK.
Alice: I WONDER HOW YOUNG KEITH IS DOING THESE DAYS
Lukie: I BELIEVE HE’S DEAD.
Alice: OH. HOW SAD.
Lukie: IT IS TOO BAD.
Alice: WHAT ABOUT HIS GOLDFISH?
Lukie: I BELIEVE THEY DIED, ALSO.
Alice: THEY WERE VERY INTRESTING
Lukie: YES. I AGREE VERY MUCH.
Lukie: I JUST GOT A TELEPHONE CALL FROM AN INTERESTING YOUNG LASS.
SHE WAS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.
Alice: SO DID I! HOW INTRESTING
HOW DO YOU TURN OFF CAPS LOCK?
Lukie: I DO NOT BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE.
Alice: GOOD.
Lukie: MR. JIMMY CAME IN A FEW MOMENTS AGO AND BASHED MY KEYBOARD. I THINK HE BROKE IT.
Alice: IS KAM-FROG STILL NEXT DOOR?
Lukie: I DO NOT BELIEVE SO.
Alice: XD
Lukie: SHE WAS DEPORTED TO AFRICA. SHE ATE CHILDREN.
Alice: DO YOU KNOW WHERE SARAH PALIN IS LATELY?
Lukie: I BELIEVE SHE WAS ATTACKED BY A MOOSEMAN.
Alice: I THINK THEY PUT HER IN A CELL WITH MS. UMBRIDGE
Lukie: OH, GOOD GOLLY GOSH, IT’S SAINT JIMMY!
Alice: GASP
HOW IS HE DOING?
Lukie: HE IS FINE.
EXCELLENT.
Alice: ASK HIM IF HE KNOWS ANY TEN YEAR OLDS WITH PMS
Lukie: HE SAYS HE KNOWS ONE.
Alice: WHAT IS HER NAME?
Lukie: SHE IS IN THE ROOM NEXT TO HIM. HER NAME IS…
I DO NOT KNOW.
Alice: MAYBE…
Lukie: HE DOES NOT EITHER. BUT HE SAID HE THREW HER AT A WALL.
HE IS A RATHER HANDSOME YOUNG MAN.
Alice: I HOPE IT WAS THAT YOUNG DEAR MARIA
Lukie: I DO NOT KNOW.
I AM CONSIDERING PUTTING HIM IN MY CLOSET.
BUT I DO NOT HAVE ONE.
HOW SAD.
Alice: SHAPED LIKE THE MONA LISA
Lukie: EXCUSE ME?
MR. JIMMY HAS LEFT NOW.
Alice: THE MAN IN THE ROOM BELOW ME WAS MOANING ABOUT SOMETHING CALLED THE WOODCHUCK APOCALYPSE
Lukie: IT IS FINE.
Alice: BUT THEN THE MIRACLE WORKER GERARD VISITED HIM\
Lukie: THE STRANGE ONE?
Alice: EITHER HE DIED OR HE SHUT UP
YES
Lukie: WAS HE WEARING PANTS, DEARY?
I HOPE SO.
IF HE WAS NOT, HE WAS CERTAINLY DRUNK.
Alice: PROBABLY NOT. I DIDN’T SEE HIM
Lukie: OH. THAT IS TOO BAD.
Alice: HE SOUNDED INTOXICATED
Lukie: HE USUALLY IS.
Alice: BUT I SAW HIM YESTERDAY! HE WASNT DRUNK
HE WAS…HIGH, I THINK THE YOUNG ONES CALL IT.
ON…
DIET DR PEPPER
Lukie: ONE OF THE KIND WORKERS HERE IS MAKING ME TURN OFF MY COMPUTER SYSTEM. I HOPE TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN.
GOODBYE.
Alice: GOODBYE

Lukie: HALLO
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
Alice: HALLO!
NOT VERY GOOD.
Lukie: HAVE I NOT SPOKE WITH YOU BEFORE?
Alice: THERE ARE NINJAS IN MY PANTS.
OH.
YES, YES WE HAVE SPOKEN BEFORE.
Lukie: THAT IS QUITE WONDERFUL.
Alice: WOULD YOU LIKE A PANT-NINJA?
Lukie: NO, I HAVE MY DEAR FRIEND KIETH.
HE IS A HACKYSACK
Alice: OKAY.
YES, YES.
Lukie: MR. JIMMY STOPPED IN EARLIER.
Alice: MY FRIENDS BUBBA AND LOPEZ ARE HACKEYSACKS.
Lukie: HE IS DOING QUITE WELL.
Alice: OH.
THAT IS NICE.
Lukie: SOMEONE WAS PUT IN THE ROOM NEXT TO ME.
Alice: I LIKE DUCT TAPE.
Lukie: HE IS QUITE GOOD LOOKING.
HIS NAME IS CHRISTIAN.
Alice: WHAT IS HIS NAME?
INFERNO, MUCH?
Lukie: HE WAS REJECTED FROM COLLEGE.
Alice: A PEACEMAKER MOVED IN NEXT DOOR TO ME.
Lukie: IT MADE HIM RATHER SUICIDAL.
Alice: THE PEACEMAKER IS MEXICAN, I THINK.
Lukie: HIS GIRLFRIEND GLORIA WAS VERY SAD WHEN HE WAS SENT HERE.
I CANNOT CHOOSE BETWEEN MR. JIMMY AND MR. CHRISTIAN.
Alice: AS THE YOUNG ONES SAY ON INTERWEBS, “DAWWWWZ”
THEY ALSO “LIEK MUDKIPZ”
Lukie: THAT IS ACTUALLY QUITE STRANGE, DEAR.
Alice: YES. YES IT IS.
WOULD YOU LIKE A WOODCHUCK? THERE IS AN INFESTATION OVER ON MY SIDE OF THE WARD.
I HAVE…TWENTY-THREE.
Lukie: OH, NO THANK YOU. THEY LIKE TO BITE MY FACE.
Alice: THAT IS TOO BAD.
Lukie: MR. ARMSTRONG IS SO OLD.
Alice: FERRETS LIKE TO EAT MY FINGERS.
YES.
Lukie: HE LAYS ON THE FLOOR IN SAN FRANCISCO.
Alice: I SPOKE TO A YOUNG GIRL THE OTHER DAY.
Lukie: WHAT WAS HER NAME?
Alice: SHE TOLD ME THAT MR. ARMSTONG WAS “HOT”.
Lukie: THAT IS QUITE…UNNERVING.
Alice: MAYBE HE HAS A FEVER
Lukie: MR. WAY BROKE INTO THE WARD TO HEAL A YOUNG BOY FOUR ROOMS DOWN.
Alice: SO THE RUMORS WERE TRUE! THEY DID BAN HIM.
Lukie: I BELIEVE SO.
MR. ARMSTRONG WAS SENT TO THERAPY HERE.
HE BEAT MR. TRE WITH A GOLF CLUB.
Alice: FOR WHAT?
OH.
I CAN SEE THAT.
MR. TRE CAN BE VERY…
BASSIST-LIKE.
OH.
WAIT.
Lukie: THE POOR BOY. I DO HOPE HE DOESN’T DIE A DEATH LIKE MR. MOON’S.
Alice: HE IS A BASSIST.
TRUE.
Lukie: NO. I BELIEVE MIKE IS THE BASSIST
Alice: OH.
MR. TRE LOOKS LIKE A PENGUIN.
Lukie: MIKE IS THE GOOD LOOKING ONE OUT OF THE THREESOME.
I AGREE.
Alice: MIKE IS VERY IRRITABLE.
Lukie: I HAVE NOTICED.
Alice: I TALKED TO A YOUNG MAN TODAY.
Lukie: WHAT DID HE HAVE TO SAY?
Alice: I ASKED IF HE LIKED ROCK OPERAS.
HE SAID “NO. I DONT LIKE ROCKS AND I DONT LIKE OPERAS.”
I WAS SAD.
Lukie: OH, YES, VERY
I TRIED TO CALL SOMEONE TO FIX MY PLUMBING IN THIS ROOM.
Alice: WOULD YOU LIKE SOME RAMEN?
Lukie: I GOT THE WRONG NUMBER.
Alice: IT IS FROM…KOREAN?
Lukie: A STRANGE GIRL ANSWERED.
Alice: I MEAN KOREA.
THAT IS STRANGE.
I RECEIVED A PHONE CALL ALSO.
FROM A VERY STRANGE GIRL.
Lukie: HOW VERY ODD.
YOU ARE SO POLITE, DEAR
Alice: SO ARE YOU, DEAR.
Lukie: A SQUIRREL ATTACKED MY WINDOW A FEW MOMENTS AGO.
Alice: THAT IS…WAIT, YOU HAVE A WINDOW?
Lukie: YES.
BUT IT IS VERY DIRTY
AND SMALL
Alice: AS THE YOUNG PEOPLE SAY, “OMFG!???.?!!!”
Lukie: THAT IS SO IMPOLITE OF THE YOUNG ONES.
Alice: YES.
Lukie: THEY ARE BECOMING QUITE AN IRRITATING GENERATION.
Alice: CRIKEY.
BY THE WAY
DO YOU HAVE ANY MONEY?
Lukie: NO, I DO NOT BELIEVE SO.
I GAVE ALL OF IT TO A YOUNG GERMAN BOY.
I DID THAT LONG AGO.
Alice: DEAR, WERE YOU GAMBLING AGAIN?
WE MUST GET YOU A THERAPIST.
MAYBE MR. WAY WILL HELP.
Lukie: NO, NOT MR. WAY.
Alice: OR…
A CHIROPRACTOR.
Lukie: HE IS ALWAYS DRUNK/
Alice: TRUE.
Lukie: AND HE NEVER WEARS PANTS.
Alice: YES. SADLY.
Lukie: POOR BOY.
Alice: DOES HE EVEN OWN ANY PANTS?
A MAN IS HERE TO TUNE MY PIANO.
Lukie: YOU HAVE A PIANO?
HOW WONDERFUL.
Alice: YES.
IT IS A BABY GRAND PIANO.
SEVEN INCHES LONG.
Lukie: THAT IS SO WONDERFUL FOR YOU.
Alice: I MEAN OVER 9000.
WAIT.
I HAVE BEEN READING TOO MUCH ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA LATELY.
Lukie: A YOUNG BOY JUST GAVE ME TWO SOUR PUNCHES.
Alice: WHAT WAS HIS NAME, DEARIE?
Lukie: I BELIEVE HIS NAME IS…BURRITO.
Alice: OH. HOW…TASTY.
I WONDER IF MR. LOPEZ WILL EVER VISIT THE WARD.
Lukie: I BELIEVE HIS MOTHER WILL.
HIS MOTHER IS ABUSIVE.
Alice: TRUE.
SHE WILL FIT IN NICELY WITH THE DOCTORS HERE.
Lukie: YES.
Alice: OH NO.
Lukie: WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
Alice: I BELIEVE I AM BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER.
Lukie: OH NO!
Alice: WE MUST CHAT AGAIN SOME OTHER TIME.
Lukie: YES, WE MUST.
GOODBYE.
Alice: GOODBYE…